FishboX - 我怀念的-迷失新西兰

I thought I was dead in the last week, almost died at least. Four assignments and two tests came to me in one week, I've never been that busy in my life. Every time when a new assignment is assigned I tell myself to start it earlier, but I never actually start it earlier, so I have to do everything at the end, working overnight. I haven't got any sleep for several days, buried myself in the lab doing those assignments. 3D design, stats, and java programming, the crapy thing is that those computers we use to do 3D modeling are damned slow, it takes ages to render animations, and crash always happens in the mid of the work. We use Blender to do 3D modeling as the course requires, and it's my first time that i've used this tool, and our assignment is to design a creature or a character has two faces, two arms, tow legs and one tail, I drew a dinosaur with a pair of wings on its back, because it has too many vertices, so I got a little trouble when I applied armature and grouped vertices. Hassle happned when I was rendering my animation on the lab machine, it took me one hour to finish, but it always crashed for no reason when it was almost done, so I did it three times which took me about three hours.. Eventually I rendered successfully, however the access for the online submit was shut... So I only could contact our lecturer and he told me to burn my work on a CD and gave him. I handed in it anyway.

Continue reading "I'm still alive" »

Today is Chinese Moon Festival or Mid-Autumn Festival, time for family reunion, appreciating the full moon, enjoying moon cakes, etc... It certainly reminds me the rabbit lantern I used to play when I was a little kid. My dad made a few for me, the frame was made by bamboo pieces, wrapped by thin half transparent white paper or colour ones, put four little wheels under it then I pulled it behind myself and ran as fast as I could. A candle was placed inside the lantern, children wait for the night, light the candle, go outside to the streets, drag their lovely rabbits happily. As far as I can remember, all those rabbit lanterns my dad made for me ended badly, either I burned it by the candle inside carelessly or I broke the paper outside. And when I asked my dad for another one, the festival was gone, I had to wait till the next year. Probably these days not too many rabbit lanterns are made by paper or even with a real candle inside, but plastic outside and lamp bulb with battery instead, somehow I always feel some joys are missing. I miss those old days.

But it has not too much to do with me anyway, just like other normal days, and it's cloudy tonight, hardly I could find the moon. How sad.
"The moon is always there, we could watch it anytime, who was so bored to invent this festival?" A gal said to me. Well, all those traditional festivals make ppl either happy or sad, that might be the purpose. On the mid-autumn festival of the year before last year, I still lived with homestay, and I told them the folklore about this festival. It has been two years already.. I'm a sort of free these days, I finished a few tests in the past two weeks, I bought the plane ticket and I'm going back to Shanghai on Nov. 14th, I'm pretty sure it's going to be busy as hell in next month, assignments, exams, and maybe some other unexpected shit.

Papers for 2005 are available now, I have to take one L2 paper, five L3 papers next year, the shitty thing is that the paper fee for International students has been increased again!! DAMN the school! Blood sucker! One L2 computer science paper is up to $3001 now, and it used to be only $2417 in 2003. But I still have to choose them. I'm going to take one L2 management system paper and one L3 management system paper, though I don't know much about management stuff, but... they're cheaper, only $2667 each, compared with the same level CS papers they're cheaper of course.. I'm coming back to New Zealand Feb. 28th next year, I'll stay longer than last time I went back, and I probably will not going back to Shanghai in next two years.

Happy mid-autumn festival!

Rouge(胭脂扣), a movie filmed in 1988, stared by Leslie Cheung(1956 - 2003), Anita Mui(1963 - 2003), a tragic love story, a courtesan Fleur(如花, Anita) who was infatuated with a guy Master Chen,(十二少, Leslie) who was the second son of a notable and rich family in the old feudal society, and they loved each very much. However, at that time, conventionally a courteasn couldn't marry with a notable family, they were two different classes and living in totally different society levels, though they tried to struggle against the rule, Chen's family resolutely opposed them to be together. Eventually, Fleur and Chen suicided for love by over-swallowing opium, that was 11pm, March 8th, 1937, and they made a pact that in next life, after they were reborn if they couldn't remember each other, or their appearances changed, whenever who saw the number "3811" should realize that the other one was looking for him or her then they could meet together.

After 50 years, the ghost of Fleur came back to the man's world to look for Chen, becaused she couldn't find him in the underworld. He asked a young journalist to help her find her lost lover. Fleur realized that in the past 50 years, everything has changed, the old theatre disappeared, and only aged people remembered a little about what happened 50 years ago. But she still believed that in March 8th, Chen would come to meet her. The nice journalist helped her put a advertisement in a lot of newspapers. But Chen didn't turn up, neither his ghost, nor a real person. Fleur couldn't stay too long in the man's world, she was so depressed, neverthless the journalist and his lover still didn't give up helping her look for Chen. Occasionally, they found a newpaper in 1937 when Fleur and Chen committed suicide, and news said Fleur was dead, but Chen was saved from the death. Chen might be still alive! Fleur was even more disappointed when she read the news, she thought Chen let her down since he broke their promise and cravenly cling to life. Finally they found Chen, he was in declining age like a candle in the wind, who was young handsome highspirited and vigorous, but were now grey-headed, weak and poverty-stricken, a extrememly poor guy, his wife and son dumped him, and even he couldn't get a place to sleep. Apperantly he had no connection with what he used to be, but he was Chen. Fleur gave their love token, the rouge box, back to him, Chen remembered and called her name. Finally, Fleur went back to the underworld where she was supposed to be, and waited for a chance to be reborn.

It's a very old movie, and the makeup, film technique can't be compared with films today, but the story is very impressive itself. The two movie stars both died in 2003, Leslie Cheung jumped from the building, Anita Mui died for cancer. As the film says that, life is drama and drama is life, the drama directly present the suffering, but after acting, life is still filled with suffering, you can't do anything about it. I haven't got a chance to watch this film entirely, though it's a story about ghost, but it's not thrill or horro at all, you don't need courage to watch it, but the patience, the pace is quite slow, and no very strong dramatic scenes, but you feel like finding out what the end is going to be. The song of this moive is pretty good, sung by Anita, her unique style, charming.

Continue reading "a nightmare" »

I buried myself in the lab working on the group project for COMP304 these days, it almost drove me mad... It was due 8:00 AM Friday, and we just finished it almost near 7:30AM. Frankly, I had a few group work before, but this one is the most difficult one I've got so far. We've got 5 students, having different study background, for instance, computer science, software development, graphic design, and we're supposed to distribute fairly equal to the project, someone did graphic part, someone did script part, cooperated like that. A guy who was supposed to be our group leader, he never attend our gourp meetings, and a student who's doing Computer Graphic Design(the major I wish I could study!!) doesn't feel like doing it, because he's not interested in our multimedia title at all.. Our lecture put each a group at least one student who studies computer graphic design, they know more about Director, the main tool we used to do our project, then other students. And certainly they could do graphic design and animation part much better. But he didn't do sth useful even in the end. And that "group leader" surprisely turned up in the last day, and stayed very late with us, he finished the part that graphic design student was supposed to do. He's not too bad, but he definitely could start doing sth earlier. Another girl from Indonesia is the most Ambitious I've ever met, I ain't say that being ambitious is not good, but that should be reasonable at least, you can't try to beat everyone else, or always want to achieve sth which is far more beyond your head. She always asked me to do them, and if what she asked was what I could do then there was no problem at all, but if it wasn't, I really couldn't help too much... That kills me. Damned I was almost mad at the end. She never stopped asking me what I was doing at the moment, because she had nothing to do at that time, and I was working on what she asked, she distracted me so much, I damned appreciated if she could shut up and being quiet for a while. I drew not only for my own part, but for them as well, and the intro animation. We finished it anyway, and I pray that I don't want to have any group work like that.. I'll be killed...

Doing this kind of work is suicide to me, I always work in lab or at home several straight days, no sleep at all. The next one is individual project, haven't got any idea yet, but I guess there must sth new to me, 3D moduling, I don't have any experiment before. And two more tests in next week.

I opened my eyes, it was only 4:20 am, fiercely silent, I couldn't even hear my breathing, felt slight headahce. I'm used to wake up like this, I couldn't hear my think, what I always think at that time? Just like most dreams I make, only I remember there's a dream, but I can't tell what's it about. Each time I wake up like this, I can't go back to fall sleep again, at least not within 2 hours. To try to close my eyes then force myself feel sleepy only discomforts me more. Sometime I could hear the snoring from the next room, but more time everything sleeps, or I should say everything is dead, and I'm sort of dying. So I keep my eyes open, I feel like having a cigarette, watching the smoke rising, vanishing into the silent dark, and myself is gradually drowned in the dark. Only I dont have any cigarette, and all are in the dark, I couldn't see anything.

I go to sleep before 12pm, and get up 8am these days. People always want to change themselves for some reasons, in some way, only they may or may not change to be what they're supposted to be, or what themselves feel like being. After the recess, all of a sudden I don't have any desire to do anything, don't want to watch any movies, don't want to surf the Internet, don't want to chat with my friends. Even don't want to talk with people. The school never changes, students drive around the main car parking again and again for place to park their cars, in the classrooms they group and talk like old friends haven't met for ages, the lecturer of COMP201 seems to have less hair each time I see him. I borrowed Dance Dance Dance by Haruki Murakami from the library, a girl lent me the same book but in Chinese once, but I didn't finish reading it. That was a very embarrassing thing happend, I had one hour free before the next lecture, so I went to the library, and I found that book, I sat and read a few pages then I took a nap, I quite forgot the time, and there was only 5 mins left when I woke up. So what I did was I grabbed that book into my bag, and rushed out of the library, I forgot to go to the reception to register, then the alarm sounded piercingly when I passed it, meanwhile everyone was looking at me. The worse was I didn't even realize why it alarmed when I went through it, and after a few seconds I figured out. My face felt burned when I was explaining to the reception I can tell. What a damned thing.

I cleaned my room more carefully then ever, vacuumed the carpet, wiped the furniture. The rest potato has burgeoned, and I'm not going to buy them anymore till I completely forget how do they taste. I couldn't live with mess any more, I'm going to be sicker. One good thing when I get up earlier is I can have enough time to prepare for the breakfast. It's getting warmer, and day time is longer.

The ATHENS 2004 Olympic Games is completed Aug 29th sucessfully. China won total 63 medals, 32 gold, 17 silver and 14 bronze. There's a story we may or may not know behind each medal, behind every player, we can't simply judge our athletes by if they won medals or not, though those medals do mean sth significant, we might not have any idea how much efforts they put in training, how much they sweat, how many times they try, how many times they falls. So no one is the loser in the competition. It's a real pity that I didn't watch any match in the past 17 days. I didn't have the chance since I don't have a TV set. Boy, is it sad.

I have only less than one week before the second half semester begins, the bad thing is I haven't done anything about my study. Another thing scares me is I seem to be getting fatter and fatter! That really worries me, and I feel like altering my daily schedule right now. I'm such a lazy bone, never get up till noon, and I stay up so late, sometimes even 4, 5am. My friend whom I met in MIRC a couple of years ago told me that those who used to join a channel named #Darkisland in a past MIRC server has found a new MIRC server and a new BBS board, they are looking for all those who used to join that channel before. Frankly, I'm really excited about it, not only that it sounds very exciting when you can meet someones again after you lost contact with them, but I feel like talking with ppl in that way, and that's the only way I can communicate with ppl that I know when I'm here. So what I'm doing these days is being online in that chat room, spending most of the time that I'm awake on it. Even though I dont always sit in front of my computer typing, I prefer watching they talking on the screen to some extent. Just simply watching, quietly, lonesomely. That reminds when I first came here, because there's 4 hours time difference between China and New Zealand, what I did was turned on my laptop(I didn't buy my desktop yet), ran the MIRC application, joined the channel, waited for my friends coming in. But there were always very few friends there when I was there, or though there were some, but none were awake... I felt thirsty to have conversation with them, I did and I do now. I enjoy being there, neverthless, I always feel there's difference between them and me, hardly can I tell what exactly the difference is, but I do feel the difference worries me somehow, only I can't express. It's a depressing thought.

Continue reading "A new month begins" »

I went to downtown this afternoon, the last time I went there was almost one month ago. Normaly I dont go to downtown very often, unless I have no food at all and I have to get some food in Pak 'N Save, which is the biggest food warehouse in this city, two of them, both are located near downtown. I decided to hang around for a while, might do some window shopping and I felt like to buy something, but I really could not tell what exactly I'd like to buy. Sometimes I dont have any idea till that certain thing captures my eyes when I'm in the shop. I dont plan to buy that, only I buy it eventually. Frankly, spending time like this is luxury to me, I dont have a damned car, and either walk or taking a bus is such a hassle in this place. No car, no movement. The other reason is it doesn't seem to be necessary at all. Though I like spend time like this, or I could call it's a kind of waste.

It doesn't change so much as I expected, somewhere near the bus centre is under construction for nearly three months I guess, but I still dont have any clue what they are building. Just like the pace of the whole Hamilton city, slow, quiet. I love to watch this, but I dont like to live like this. All the season clothing are for the coming summer, but it's still freezing as hell at night now, short sleeve T shirt, leisure shirt. I tried a pair of jeans, loose style, fading colour wrinkles near the waist in the front, a kind of old colour, I quite like its style, but when I mirrored, I realized that I dont have a pair of shoes could match it, so I put it back. I passed a clothing shop selling hip-hop style dress, I used to be crazy about that certain style clothing, making me feel free, unconstricted,unconventional and unrestrained. I still think it's damned cool, however, I might be too old for this. I have a few clothes like that myself, but I rarely wear them any more. I remember how that young boy looks like in them in the old day.

Continue reading "I miss Andy" »

Qi Qiao Jie, The Night of Sevens
Seventh Sister's Birthday
The Night of Skills

falls on the seventh day of the seventh lunar month of the Chinese Calendar and thus is also known as Double Seven Days It is traditional for young girls to demonstrate their domestic arts on this day and to make wishes for a good husband. Of course, that has nothing to do with me. How sad. Well, but I still think it's worth to have a look at the folklore about Chinese Valentine's Day.

The story of Cowherd and Weaver Girl:

Continue reading "Chinese Valentine's Day" »

I haven't updated my blog for a few days, since I had to deal with my assignments due this Friday and prepare for that Java test. A pretty intensive week, and after that it's a study recess, two weeks. The Java assignment which is a Chess Game almost drove me mad, I really mean it, for those Java codes, I haven't got any sleep from Tuesday to Friday afternoon after I submitted it in lab, I was crazy. The week before study recess seems to be the busiest time for each student, you can tell when you go to the labs in campus 3 o'clock in the morning, there're still students working on their assignments, that never happen on normal days, and I'm one of them. Really good students never stay overnight the week before exams, they study in normal times, you certainly wouldn't see them 3 or 4 am in the lab. At least that proves one thing, those studnets are not lazy or giving themselves up. You can be unintelligent, but never be lazy, though the first one makes your life hard, but the latter one really can kills you

Continue reading "Test week is over, now the study recess is coming" »

我告诉你说：〔我的车子坏了，我走了半小时的路才走到车站。〕
　　本来我以为你会关心说：怎么不坐计程车，你累不累。
　　但，你说：〔反正很近，你也顺便减肥。〕
　　我生气，觉得你不爱我、不关心我。
　　第二天，我发现你留在桌上的你的车钥匙，以及为我准备的丰富早点。

　　【我才发现，原来你是爱我的，只不过你不说，这是你爱的方式，跟大家不同。】

　　我告诉你说：〔我想要去北海道、荷兰等国家欣赏那一大片壮观的花海。〕
　　本来我以为你会关心说：你想去哪，我们来计划计划，即使是敷衍几句了事也好。
　　但，你说：〔真是无聊，花大把的银子去那种无聊的地方。〕
　　我生气，觉得你不爱我、不懂我。
　　後来，我发现家里的旅游杂志，不管是国外还是国内的报导，只要是有赏花介绍的那一页，页角就有摺痕，页面就有你的笔记记录。

　　【我才发现，原来你是爱我的，只不过你不说，这是你爱的方式，跟大家不同。】

　　我告诉你说：〔我的头发掉的好严重，可是医生都说没怎样，我好怕我会变秃头）本来我以为你会安慰我说：哪有，你头发看来还是很多。
　　但，你说：....

〔你这才知道你的头发乱掉，家里的地板都是你的头发，好脏。〕
　　我伤心，觉得你不爱我、不在乎我。
　　後来，我发现家里的地板少了很多我的掉发，我以为我真的不再掉发了，所以我开始有了不会秃头的自信。
　　但，在你出差的那几天里，我才发现地板的头发又变多了，圾筒里也找到一堆用报纸覆盖住的毛发。
　　
　　【我才发现，原来你是爱我的，只不过你不说，这是你爱的方式，跟大家不同。】

　　
　　我告诉你说：〔我跟朋友出去，晚上会晚点回来。〕
　　本来我以为你会关心我说：跟谁出去？小心点，记得拨电话或早点回家等问话。
　　但，你说：〔随便你，你高兴就好。〕
　　我生气，觉得你不爱我、不关心我。
　　後来，我在负气拖到半夜３点才回家时，我看到你坐在沙发上的睡容。

　　【我才发现，原来你是爱我的，只不过你不说，这是你爱的方式，跟大家不同。】

　　我告诉你说：〔我的大姑妈来了，肚子好痛。〕
　　本来我以为你会安慰我说：忍一忍，一天就过了。
　　但，你说：〔女人真麻烦，受不了。〕
　　我伤心，觉得你不爱我、不疼我。
　　後来，家里的零食柜里多了好多巧克力及红豆，是你买的，但你一直没吃，直到一个月过了，你在我月事的前後一星期却天天煮著红豆汤。

　　【我才发现，原来你是爱我的，只不过你不说，这是你爱的方式，跟大家不同。】

　　我告诉你说：〔这是我为你挑选的外套，是从去年换季就买的，藏了一年，现在新的冬天将来，我将这一季的第一股温暖献给你。〕
　　本来我以为你会感性的回答我说：谢谢你，亲爱的，这是我一季的温暖也是一辈子的回忆。
　　但，你说：〔还不是捞换季大拍卖的便宜。〕
　　我伤心，觉得你不爱我、不懂我。
　　後来，冬天过了，春天的脚步走到了五月底，我却还常看见那件｛我认为爱的外套 ，你认为便宜的外套｝穿在你身上，我想了想，数了数，才惊觉那件外套几乎天天伴著你上班下班，出门进门。

　　【我才发现，原来你是爱我的，只不过你不说，这是你爱的方式，跟大家不同。】

　　我告诉你说：〔今天主日崇拜的诗歌好好听，让我好感动。〕
　　本来我以为你会关心我说：要不要去问问是哪一本哪一系列的诗，我们去买cd回来听。
　　但，你说：〔每一首歌听来，还不是都差不多。〕
　　我生气，觉得你不爱我、不在乎我。後来，我发现音响里常传出熟悉的音符，ｃｄ架上也多了一片新的诗歌ｃｄ。

　　【我才发现，原来你是爱我的，只不过你不说，这是你爱的方式，跟大家不同。】

　　我告诉你说：〔我喜欢吃隔壁街角的那一家的凉面。〕
　　本来我以为你会告诉我说：那我们明天一起去吃好不好。
　　但，你说：〔整天就想著吃，也不想想自己的身材。〕
　　我伤心，觉得你不爱我、不关心我。
　　後来，我发现你常常买很多芝麻酱花生酱及瓶瓶罐罐窝在厨房调一碗又一碗黑抹抹的酱。

　　【我才发现，原来你是爱我的，只不过你不说，这是你爱的方式，跟大家不同。】

　　我告诉你说：〔我真高兴嫁给了你，你是最好的老公。〕
　　本来我以为你也会开心的回答我说：我也是这堋觉得，你是最好的老婆
　　但，你说：〔嫁了都嫁了不然你还想怎样。〕
　　我生气，觉得你不爱我、不懂我。
　　後来，我在无意中发现你开始会在睡前用卫生纸擦拭著我们床头上那张40寸结婚照然後微笑的望著照片傻笑好久。

　　【我才发现，原来你是爱我的，只不过你不说，这是你爱的方式，跟大家不同。】

　　我想我终於懂了，在你不在乎的外表下，有颗不善用言词达的心，一颗最爱我的心。

I did make a dream last night, a little wacky one. I'm not going to talk too much about it, it might not look like what I could say, or not what you could imagine, but I faintly remember that I was shaking a gal's hand softly when I dreamed, it feels like real I can tell. The annoying thing always happens to me when I have a sweet dream is either I would be waked up by some noise, or I just wake up suddenly for no reason, and my dream is in its best part.

Our group got 7 out of 10 for part 1 of COMP304 group project, not really what we expected, but it can't be very bad. 6 groups, and group 5 got 10 full mark for part 1, their multimedia title is more like an interactive flash website in my mind, but our lecturer feels like it. We can't re-choose another topic, I wish I could insist more on my original ideas about doing 12 signs or 7 world wonders when we were in the first meeting, but they are sort of not very interested in it. The topic we're working on now is also my proposal, which is talking about "video production", since I've learnd it then I mentioned this idea on the meeting, they're interested in it somehow. Now I do feel that it's not really easy to implement it in purely graphical design. Part 2 is given today, and we're going to have another meeting tomorrow morning. I don't have any class on Wednesday.

I've seen the most perfect rainbow on my way home today, a full 180 degrees colourful curve bridged on the sky. I heard about a tale about the rainbow, as it says that if you follow the rainbow from one end to the other, then you could find treasure. I'm going to give it a try, as long as I could fly one day.

"The day after tomorrow" is my current fav movie, I've watched it three times so far. It scares me when I see that giant vortex, everything seems cool, silent, and that's the most scary part of the this movie, then after several seconds, everything is going to be frozen to death. Man kind is such a tiny weak piece in front of the real nature. The storm destoried almost anything, but not people's hope.

I went up 8:20 this morning, it was very nice day, though the ground was still a little wet since it rained a little in the dawn. Frankly, I seldom get up as early as today this semester, one important reason is because it's winter now, cold as hell, and I tell you in the earily morning, and at night it freezes my ass off. I don't have class till 11 am, so I decided to have my hair cut in the morning. I'm very glad whenever I could actually do what I've planned on time.

It's rained for a few days, and my laundry from last week is needed to be washed as soon as possible, I don't have any other fresh clothing to change currently. So I have to do that before Wednesday this week which is my regular shower time. Landlord always gets up the earliest in the house, so the laundry machine was working for him when I went to brush my teeth. Landlord makes a rule about the usage of laundry machine, stupid one in my mind. There's a sheet on the wall aganist the machine, which says: Since the machine doesn't work very well sometimes, and to prevent its engine from overheating, it only can be used one time each day! Then in today's case, I only can wash my dirty clothing tomorrow if I'm lucky to get the machine first, we also have other 6 students want their laundry problems solved. It became a competition somehow.

I went to downtown by bus, and I can't remember when was the last time I took bus to go to downtown, I don't go to downtown as many times as I did last year. That's could be an evidence that I'm becoming lazier and lazier, which is not a very good sign at all. I had my hair cut at the Korea barbershop located in downtown, I always go to there when I want have my hair cut. I don't feel like changing haircut shop very often, since once I'm used to a barber's work, then I'm used to it for a long time might till that person leaves or the haircut shop relocates to someplace else where I couldn't find. A Korean couple run this haircut shop, the husband can't speak English very well, but he has better reputation than his wife whose work I'm used to. I can't speak any Korean, I think I do need a person could better understand what I really mean to my hair style, seriously, you don't allow too many people deal with your hair unless they help to have your hair cut. The wife was not there, only the husband. He told me that she would come to the shop 11 am, that was too late for me, and actually I'm not mind trying his work too much, well you know, if you really want your hair cut, then you have to trust the person who's going to cut your hair. He got my hair satisfied anyway. It costs $10 as usual.

In the presentation, our "group convenor" turned up and asked me"who's going to do the presentation", that killed me. Debra, Varonia and me did the presentation, which was not too bad, though Debra felt a little nervous in her turn. I know that girl she spent a lot of efforts on her part, she did much much better than our "group convenor" who was sitting in the seat when we were doing the presentation in the front. Shame of him.

I didn't get on very well with my second STAT226 tutorial, and there're only 10 days before I have to submit the first JAVA assignment which is a real disaster to me. I don't even know how should I get it started..

I'm doing bad...

Would I have a dream tonight..

It's rained all day, showering, terribly as hell. You could never see such a pouring in Shanghai, at least I haven't seen yet. Only in this island, with such a fickle weather, the rain behaves violently different. Once it rains, the garden outside becomes boggy, puddle everywhere, and the path paved by bricks is almost half inundated. I have to pay double attention to those bricks when I walk on them, since one step I make wrong, the dirty wet mud will splash on my feet, or I may almost fall because it's very slippery. Actually I have to go to the kichen or the toilet through that stupid brick path when it rains, unless I have gumboot, then I could walk in the water. I dont care too much about raining, but I do hate raining like that.

I curse this weather.

I was praying it could stop for a while, just in the case that I was going to have a meeting with my group members to discuss the 10 mins presentation for tomorrow. The rain stopped on time, and I was not late. On the way to school, I saw the wired scene that might only you could see in New Zealand, there was great sunshine on the top of my head, and the sky which was not very far away from where I was walking was almost entirely obscured by dark cloud moving towards me. I bet I should run fast, or I got wet. I saw the rainbow in the distance.

Only Debra and Varonica turned up, well, actually we didn't expect our "group convenor", not indeed at all, to attend this meeting, since he didn't attend our meetings for several times. We complained in our report to the lecturer. I've had a few group works so far, and I have to say, I never meet such an irresponsible group leader or kiwi student so far! Anyway, three of us arranged the process of the presentation, and I'm going to cover half of the ppt. Gals are very democratic actually, they made agreement on the amount of work that I'm supposed to do. nnn...... I'm not very good at explanation, but I'm glad to do my work. I feel like working with them and discussing with them. They all International students, Debra is from China and Varonica is from Indonesia, I dont feel too much presure when talking with them in English. They both are good students, they give me good impression. I'm not talking their personal appearance here, but their personality, and at least they do their work seriously, I can trust.

I figured out another way to make myself feel a day longer then it actually is. I had dinner very earily today, which gave me more time between after dinner and before sleep. Though it didn't rain tonight, but it was still wet, especially the cement floor in the kitchen, I almost fell once. Not too many choices for my dinner, potato, carrot, and chicken nibbles. I bought 10KG potato pack, $4.89, much cheaper than those 3KG, $4 pack, but those potatoes just seem to be digged out from the field, wrapped by mud. Peering potatoes always takes much time, and the naked potatoes look so lovely in white.

I'm going to have my hair cut tomorrow morning, it's too long and messy. I'm missing my braid that I used to have once more

那片笑声让我想起我的那些花儿
their laughter reminds me those flowers
在我生命每个角落静静为我开着
they bloom for me silently every corner in my life
我曾以为我会永远守在她身旁
I used to believe that I would be with her forever
今天我们已经离去在人海茫茫
but now, we've gone, fading in the crowd

她们都老了吧？
they are grown, aren't they?
她们在哪里呀？
where are they today?
我们就这样各自奔天涯
we keep walking away like we never meet before

啦……想她。
la la la...... I'm missing her
啦…她还在开吗？
la la la...... is she still who she used to be?
啦……去呀！
la la la...... I have to keep going!
她们已经被风吹走散落在天涯
scattered petals are flying with the wind

有些故事还没讲完那就算了吧
let those unfinished stories be
那些心情在岁月中已经难辨真假
the truth becomes hazy as time goes by
如今这里荒草丛生没有了鲜花
now the weeds overgrown here, no fresh flower anymore
好在曾经拥有你们的春秋和冬夏
nevethless, I still have the past we spent before

啦……想她
la la la....... I really miss her so much
啦…她还在开吗？
la la la....... where is she up to now?
啦……去呀！
la la la...... I only can stop for a while
她们已经被风吹走散落在天涯
there's no coming back anyhow

她们都老了吧？
they have changed a lot, haven't they?
她们在哪里呀?
what are they doing now?
我们就这样各自奔天涯
we have different ways in front of us

where have all the flowers gone？
where the flowers gone？
where have all the young girls gone？
where did they all gone？
where have all the young men gone？
where the soldiers gone？
where have all the graveyards gone？
where have all they gone..

女孩说我爱你，男孩笑了。女孩又说我真的爱你，男孩还是笑。女孩说你根本不爱我，男孩沉默了，女孩哭着离开了，跑的很远很远。男孩站在原地，怔怔地，他自言自语到，其实我也爱你，只是不知道怎么爱你。

　　女孩倒在秋千上，男孩用力地推啊推啊。
　　男孩篮球比赛，女孩叫破了嗓子，第二天依然出现在男孩面前说昨天你真逊。
　　女孩说我要最漂亮的那朵，男孩奋不顾身地爬上树，然后遍体鳞伤地对女孩说给你。
　　男孩的头上出现了一点点的红色，女孩紧张半天却还说着我才不在乎。
　　女孩说我累了，男孩蹲下身子，说上来吧，我背你。

　　男孩一次成绩超过了女孩，女孩心底高兴依然说下不为例。
　　女孩第一次学滑板，摔地体无完肤，男孩一边骂着小傻瓜，一边用手小心地擦拭着伤口。然后眼眶中满是眼泪。
　　男孩在全校获奖，女孩摇摇头说你还差点。
　　女孩知道男孩喜欢她，所以她不会自己开口。
　　男孩知道女孩喜欢他，可是他不知怎么开口。
　　女孩说我们明天去海边。男孩今天就搞到了所有的地图。
　　男孩想喝一口开水，女孩为他捧来了整桶饮料。
　　女孩想要一颗星星，男孩为她搬来了整颗地球。
　　男孩说明天想喝咖啡。女孩今天就买好了所有的品种。

　　女孩说我不会跟自己不喜欢的男孩要求太多。男孩说还好你对我要求很少。
　　男孩说我不会让自己不喜欢的女孩坐上自己的单车。女孩笑了，还好你从没有把我当女孩看待。
　　女孩说如果我遇见喜欢的男孩，一定用眼神杀死他。男孩说怪不得你从没有对我放过电。
　　男孩说如果我遇见我喜欢的女孩一定背着她满世界地跑。女孩说还好你背我的路程只够地球半径的四分之一。
　　女孩说我喜欢的男孩一定是最棒的，他一定会骑着白马来找我。男孩说现在已经不允许私自贩卖马匹。
　　男孩说我喜欢的女孩一定比关之琳还关之琳。女孩说关之琳已被列入老人名单内了。

　　女孩说我喜欢的男孩一定要会在新年的十二点打电话对我说我爱你。男孩说这样的电话费会很贵，相当于一个世纪。
　　男孩说我喜欢的女孩一定要会在我沮丧的时候给我安慰。女孩说现在连个保姆都会给你安慰，因为你给她钱。
　　女孩说如果他爱我，就算我到天涯海角，他都找的找我。男孩说那你一定要找个地理知识很好的人，不然你没有找到倒把自己弄丢了。
　　男孩说如果她真的爱我，一定会知道我在想什么。女孩说那你一定得找个占卜师。因为她连你有没有藏私房钱都知道。
　　女孩说你们男孩都不浪漫。男孩说因为我们都没有钱去浪漫。

　　男孩说你们女孩一天到晚只知道胡思乱想。女孩说因为别的都要花钱。
　　女孩说我喜欢的男孩一定要比我强。男孩说可怜的我只有一次没有超过你的记录。
　　男孩说我喜欢的女孩一定不要太聪明，否则我会迷失方向。女孩说啊，可惜我总是和你在极端的两头。
　　女孩说长大以后我要当个侦探，比福尔摩斯还厉害。男孩说那你一定需要一个比华生还华生的人。
　　男孩说我长大后一定要当一个国家领导人，发动全宇宙最伟大的战争。女孩说世界不会接受第二个希特勒的，就像没有中国人爱日本人那样。
　　女孩说你的英语很pool，男孩就在暑假报了五个暑期培训班。

　　男孩说女孩不够淑女。女孩暑假逼着自己去学习礼仪。
　　女孩知道男孩很在乎她的话。所以她想总有一天男孩会跟她说的。
　　男孩知道女孩很在乎他的话。所以他想即使不说女孩也是会明白的。
　　女孩认识了比男孩高的男孩，男孩说我爱你。女孩笑着拒绝了。
　　男孩认识了比女孩好的女孩。女孩说我爱你。男孩笑着拒绝了。
　　比男孩高的男孩说你在等什么？女孩说他会说的。
　　比女孩好的女孩说你在等什么？男孩说她明白的。
　　女孩说花都谢了。男孩说它还会开的。

　　男孩说花又开了。女孩说它还是要谢的。
　　女孩说我要走了，去美国。男孩说听说外国男孩都很帅。
　　男孩说我会留下，因为我热爱中国。女孩说还是中国的美女最多。
　　女孩去机场的时候男孩送了她。女孩希望男孩留下她。可是男孩没有。
　　男孩留在了中国。男孩希望女孩留下，可是他没有说。
　　女孩哭了，说我一定找个高鼻子，蓝眼睛的。
　　男孩笑了，说祝你好运。
　　女孩走了。
　　男孩哭了。

　　女孩不停地写信。男孩不停地回信。
　　一年后，女孩回来了。男孩去机场接她。可是身边已多了一个女人。
　　男孩长大了。女孩没有。
　　女孩说祝你幸福。男孩说谢谢。
　　女孩又走了，带着眼泪。男孩身边的女人说弟弟，我们走吧！
　　男孩又哭了。她一定会比我幸福的。
　　手术台前，男孩痛苦地抓住医生说一定要让她幸福。
　　男孩坟前，女孩悲伤地抓住丈夫说他原本可以给我幸福的。
　　丈夫抱着她，轻轻地。丈夫就是最后的那个医生。
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　
　　男孩从没有对女孩说过一句我爱你。因为他一直以为女孩明白。
　　女孩从没有对男孩说过一句我爱你。因为她一直以为男孩会说。
　　等男孩真正想说的时候女孩走了。
　　等女孩真正想说的时候男孩死了。
　　男孩还是一个人，女孩却是两个人。女孩一直以为男孩是两个人。男孩一直以为女孩是一个人。
　　女孩问男孩下辈子你要几个人生活？男孩笑着说两个人，我和我爱的人。
　　男孩问女孩下辈子你要几个人生活？女孩笑着说一个人，因为我爱的人从没有跟我说过她爱我

睡到快中午，被隔壁的"盛夏的果实"叫醒。 现在是冬天，比起夏天的早晨又多了一个"立即起床还是再赖几分钟"的过程。 我的房间不到下午2点，阳光是照射不进来的。 不过我总是可以透过窗帘感觉到外面是阳光明媚。一个标准的星期六又开始了。

喜欢在星期六早晨起来就去洗澡。 累了一星期，冲洗可以让我有种重新做人的感觉。 不过那也得看运气，祈祷在我前面还没人用过浴室。 我已经有两次洗到一半没热水了，然后只能不好意思到楼下张鹏那里商量用下他们的浴室。 从那时候开始起 我就感觉洗澡好像一次赌博。

今天运气不错，洗完澡 不急着去做早餐。 先去把衣服放进洗衣机，那个也要看运气的。房东规定一天只能有一个人洗，说那洗衣机容易坏。回到自己房间，赤着脚，感觉还有点湿漉漉的。 看了一下自己的房间，觉得有必要稍微整理一下。这样的也有让自己重新做人的感觉，干净的环境让我感到安逸。 虽然我很肯定，在下一个星期里，我又会再一次把房间弄乱，然后又得重新整理。 反反复复。

如果早上有一定的时间，我喜欢煎两个蛋，4片面包，一点黄油，一杯牛奶作为我的标准早餐。 一星期里也就那么2，3次吧。我觉得这像是在享受生活，不对，确切地说是享受作早餐的那个过程。蛋不是那么好煎的。

听朋友说7月31号，也就是今天晚上的月亮会呈现蓝色。根据民间的说法，"蓝月亮"也指一个阳历月之内的第二次满月。本月继7月2日出现满月之后，7月31日将再次出现满月。一般来讲月圆的周期是30天左右，这种一个月之内两次出现满月的现象比较罕见，平均2年半左右出现一次。我刚才出去看了下，月光很亮，可是不是蓝色。。

今天下午参加了Peter的farewell，他是GK的advisor，在uni工作了35年了...去过世界100多所大学，他简单叙述了他回首这一辈子的工作经验，还有在场的都是大学的头脑人物，校长，各个学院的主任。我是因为参加了GK才被邀请的。站在那些人前让我觉得脸红。 我在想如果等我哪天，也有这样的场面，我才算是真正没白活了吧....

晚上去henery家噌了顿饭，不过因为明天有Java考试，就没有继续留在那里学习bible。回来准备看书，还有不到15个小时就要考试了。。我没有觉得我可以在这(我还得睡觉好像...) 不满15个小时里有可能成为一名Java高手，这种感觉曾经有过，上学期就有，学C++的时候。。是那种三更半夜还不肯睡，死抱着书，可是什么也看不进。我就是没有编程的那根筋。。

我连作弊的欲望都放弃了.....

渐渐地我的注意力又被MT给吸引过去了....发现那个服务器速度一般，但是有时候却会连接不上。。不过没办法啦 免费的。 我想回国去申请一个服务器了。。一直有这样的念头，可是没那样的钱。 我在MT forum找到了解决index的commentcounter不会auto rebuild的解决方法。 还加了一个recent comments的plugin,可以显示最新的5条回复。改了一大堆连接问题，还把以前的文章给导入了进去。找个时候把它给release了！

不知道明天的java考试会不会问你"what's a possible solution for the index comment counter not updating problem?"

觉得不甘心，于是下载了最新的MT3.01D。折腾这种东西让我想起了许多以前被我折腾过的比如:UBB,VBB,ShoutBox,UT(我喜欢的)... 现在回想起来那些，虽然折腾的时候和折腾后的结果总会让我觉得无比兴奋和非常有成就感，可是还是得说"都它妈的是浪费时间" 毕竟那些东西得不到什么承认。。

我好像还有其他事情必须得干，特别是学习上的。星期五有JAVA考试，下星期一有computer system考试，还有统计作业要交...我为什么总是不先干完正事再折腾其他的呢...?

顺利得在自己机器上构架起了MT，果然是不错的blog系统。只是对服务器的要求蛮高。 我写了自己的CSS template，基本上可以正常运作了。用MT相比较我前几天才刚做完的fishbox V1.00来说 互动性强太多了，而且也方便管理。 只是要找个这样的免费服务器可能比较困难吧...

被我在google又乱搜了一个晚上，终于黄天不负苦心人，(像我这样的人)。给我找到了一个支持MT所需要的moudle，免费，而且没广告的服务器！赶快进行测试！。。。。。发现comment系统有问题，用户回复comment后index的commentcounter居然不跟新，好像是整个 index都不会rebuild。。。找了好多资料，不过好像一下子没有办法找到解决方法。 在MT-plugs找到了另外一片新天地...那里都是为MT编写的plugins。（无比兴奋) 不过想想要折腾这个又要花许多时间。。头又大了。。

我后天好像还有考试啊。。。看书。。。。

看不近书。。。。

Sth never change, sth never stay, they come, and they go, leaving you to find out what they leave to you. A lot of time, i'm in such a living status that i'm totally depressed, but somehow sth else inspires me, i dont call it actual "hope" or "wish", since they are sth that pleasantly forces me to get up and keep going forwards to my frustration, to beat them, conquer them, or maybe, give up in front of them. i have to approache them anyway. sth tells me that, i couldn't just stop there, standing and wondering, i can't afford that sort of waste or rest.

"I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave" —— Face off.

To leave, or to be left, themselves dont upset me too much. but those memory, or except sth physicially apparent, which never go with them, they stay, like your own shadow. There's no shadow if there's no light, and there's no memory, when you sleep. i'm not talking about dreams here. Shadow and memory have one thing in common, they are with you forever.

" 再多的風景也從不停靠 只一心尋找我遺失的美好
有的人說不清哪裡好 但就是誰都替代不了 " ——遗失的美好

一直想给自己好好做张网页，自己的一些东西。

从98年知道了有网页这东西开始，好像就一直在不断学习学习。这样的东西可以让自己感觉到存在，给别人看，然后让别人自己去理解，按照他们自己的思维。 因为我很少去看自己写过的那些东西。几乎从来不去看..就像我从来不去检查一次我到底扔掉了什么东西。 除非我找不到我想要的了。

我记得一共做过5次主页，是认真做的，有内容的那种。每次都不同，风格也不相同。 从最初那张(现在觉得比较幼稚)提供小程序下载的，到上一张有互动论坛的，觉得变化还是蛮大的。 那些旧东西已经不在网上了，不过好像laptop里有保存。

网页的技术运用我也在不断摸索着，从用notepad来写HTML代码，到学会用Dreamweaver来写网页，从table到用ps来输出，再到现在这张用CSS来代替table的符合XHTML标准的页子。 有些事情是这样的，你的面前有张纯白的纸，你将要拿来大作文章，而这时候你脑子里却有太多信息，选择，你不知道到底用哪个好了。用来思考的时间往往会是实际工作的好几倍。 我不是个适合做决策的那种人，肯定不是。因为我会想，想很多。 但是我想得还不够完整。

我比较喜欢简单的东西。

而越简单的东西，有时候越难表达。