I'm not a program person, program languages like C, C++, Java are my biggest headaches, I'd like to suicide myself before they get me. I hate'em. That's why I didnt' get sleep for several days, I was working on that stupid chess game which worthes 20% grade. I almost gave up, but that 20% does matter, so I thought I'd better do it, being flunked here can't be a joke to me at all, I know that. I'm very confident with other papers, but not for this. Thus, all these days I was concentrating on that chess program, trying to get as much grade as I can. Guess what? I made it! I finished the program 10:20am, and had a test 11:00, the second Java in-class test, I didn't even have time to go over the book, so I didn't get on very well with it. I didn't expect anyway. The chess was not the only assignment due Friday afternoon, I also had to hand in my statistic assignments which covered all problems assigned every week. That was really sore to deal with those numbers after you haven't selpt for a few days, dull mind, thinking slow, when I was in the office of my stats lecturer asking questions, hardly could I tell what I'd like ask clearly. But that old man is a very nice guy, patient, kind. I worked out the questions I left since I didn't have any idea about them with his help. The chess was due 5pm Friday, and I submitted it 4:52pm. The comments for those codes were required, I wrote them in a very rush, pretty simple. I'm thinking I should have started it earlier, but I really don't believe that I could make it.

After all done, I just felt my nose was a kind of bleeding, on my way home, I was trying to think about any possible mistake that I might make accidentally in those assignments, though I was not willing to dig up those mistakes that could make me regret, because it doesn't work once I handed them in. Only, I couldn't let myself stop thinking about those things immediately, and that's a weird thing that I feel upset when I can't think about any mistake because I'm afraid of those mistakes that I dont even know I've made them, however, on the other side, I'm afraid I remember any mistake that I've made, because it's too late to correct them. What a ontradiction. Exhausted, hungry, thirsty, just like a dog roamed around, and got back to its kennel, all it needs are a simple meal, a shower, and sleep... But it was too late to get a shower, I bet there was no enough hot water, so after I gorged my leftover, I went straight to my bed, I just miss my bed...

I was waked up this after by my landlord, that was a call from my mum. I haven't been online these days, and my cellar phone was out of battery, so she couldn't conact me. I still felt a little dizzy, I know it always like that, and this kind of special situation happens 3 or 4 times every year, I mean stay overnights for a few days working on my study, and relax completely, two extremes. Chronic suicide. I took a shower, thanks God the hot water could last after I finished, because some one bathed just before I did, I could tell from the foggy mirror in the bathroom, by the time, I saw the refelection, unkempt hair, beard, sunk orbit, swollen bloody eyes, and pre-signs of pimples, they always wait for any opportunity to show their recognition, and now there it is.

It was good sunshine, I cleared my bed room, washed those dishes and bowls that I left days ago. Then I remember my cotten padded slipper, it has been soaked for almost one week... I swear to God I'm going to wash it... It's just not convenient to wear my leather shoes everytime I go to the kitchen, or even only take a piss. I mean those laces! What a mess, sheets anywhere, books, it's not a easy job to tidy up a room like this, but I have to, that's a part of my life here anyway. Sometimes I complain that I've got nothing to do here, well, then I find myself sth. Clearning bedroom is interesting work to some extent, I could find sth that I've been looking for a few days somehow, and realize that one sock is missing, but the other one from another pair is missing too, so I could make a new pair. It's just like that.

Now, I'm two weeks break.